A . Weighty . Matter

Logically, I do get that Hollywood/The Modeling Industry is one world, and everyone else lives somewhere different. However, when I saw that this girl (Alyona Osmanova) was just moved to the plus size division - yes, + size - of her modeling agency, I kind of lost it.

I'm a size 4/6. I'm a vegetarian. I eat mostly healthy stuff, with the occasional bit of ice cream thrown in. I run 4-6 miles a day, five times a week. I'm 5'8" and weigh somewhere between 130-135 (I don't use scales). And I almost constantly feel fat.

It's not because I think I look bad, or even that I feel uncomfortable in my body. But everywhere I look (ahem, movies and magazines), I see tiny skinny people. And then I feel heavy. If I have to ask for a size 6 at the store, I feel embarrassed. Which is ridiculous.

I'm not blaming the media either. It's all of us. We're so focused on the extremes - ultra skinny or obese - that it's difficult to feel comfortable in the middle. It's difficult to feel comfortable at normal. Sometimes I just feel that it shouldn't be so tough to not be so hard on yourself.

Le sigh...

Pic: Fashion Copious

The . Week . in . Review

Pic: Vogue Paris via FashionCopious

I am SO glad that this week is finally over. Nothing has been catastrophic or anything, but a lot of little stressful things are starting to add up:

Monday: Lots of post-holiday cleaning -- is there anything worse than two suitcases full of laundry? Hate.

Tuesday: Back to work + horrible headache + feel icky from too much holiday food and not exercising for a week.

Wednesday: Get up early to go to a meeting, then when everyone is there, the woman in charge says, “Oh, didn’t I send an e-mail saying the meeting was canceled? We’ll just meet next week instead.”

Thursday: Conferences all day with students = so tiring. Also, deal with crazy buyer on ETSY and crazy seller on eBay; can’t people have their shit together at least a little more??

Friday: More conferences. Class. Post Office can’t find my package. Not enough coffee in the world to change the start of this day.

{Little Scream} {Little Scream}

One thing that I've come to realize that men just do not understand is that once a month many women suddenly/immediately/overnight feel 5-10lbs heavier. And there's very little to do about it besides suck it up (literally?) and wait. I've tried explaining this to B., who in his attempt to be sweet says something like, "Well you don't look any different."

I know!!!! But I feel like I just ate about a dozen birthday cakes, minus all of the happiness that eating cake brings.

And then on top of this, two days ago (right as I was starting to feel all heavy), B. announces: "I think I need to start eating a bit more. I think I'm losing weight."

*Expletive* *Expletive* *Expletive*

I would like, for just one day, men to have to feel all bloaty and blah (and not from drinking too much). Just one day...

Thursday

Today was a very long day. I had conferences with my writing students for much of the day, which is not bad, but very tiring. However, after I was done I knew I could look forward to running errands (aka, shopping). So in between, I decided to stop home to recoup for a minute.

When I get home, the house is a mess -- something I actually wouldn't care about at this point, until B. informs me that company is stopping by. Ugh. B. believes that he does not have to clean on his days off, but it's fine if I clean on my days off (or clean on the days I work for that matter). So this + company news = me, not happy.

Thankfully I must have accumulated some very good karma, because after cleaning the house (as well as possible), I not only go out shopping to find the blazer I'm hoping is still in store, but it's also in my size, AND it turns out to be made from cozy jersey fabric, AND it's 75% off!!



In my fantasy life I would also be able to pair it with these fabulous black buckle boots from Fiorentini & Baker (if that fantasy life involved me having a lot more money).

So I'm not sure if the blazer entirely made up for B. not wanting to do any cleaning ever, but it certainly helped!

P.S. -- I completely forgot to mention that the blazer is from AEROPOSTALE.

It . Could . Have . Been . Worse

I have to admit that tonight I had an ugly moment.

My parents' birthdays fall within one week of each other, so tonight B. and I, my brother and his girlfriend, and my parents all went out to dinner at a lovely restaurant, Dusty's Wine Celler. We rarely have schedules that all line up, so it was a lovely evening to spend with family, and the food was amazing (I had the most delicious almond-crusted whitefish with truffle grits!!).

After dinner B. and I went to the book store for a bit, and then he treated me to ice cream for dessert!

Well, as we were waiting in line, there was a woman with her daughters in front of us. All of these girls were pretty, but one girl in particular --probably about 13 or 14 -- was gorgeous, like, model gorgeous: blonde hair, flawless skin, teeny little stick legs. And the only thought that kept going through my head?

"I Hate You."

Probably hating a girl who I don't know is not a productive use of any of my time. But: It's. Not. Fair. I have to work at these things -- skin care routines that get longer and longer; going to the gym; money at the salon -- and sometimes not even these yield results.

I feel that this is just a small stumble on my way to becoming a fully satisfied person, hopefully this is my only "ugly moment" of the year, and it certainly could have been uglier...at least I didn't tell her that I hated her ;)